Oops, reality check & the Black dog.

After moaning and griping in my earlier post below I suddenly had the urge to run - I know, shocked me too.
I asked leanne if she was up for it, which she was so we got changed and headed out.
Leannes pace still amazes me - she has this graceful lope which I just can't manage.
The sun was blazing and we decided (well it happened to work out this way)  that hills was the way to go. We went 3/4 of the way round the block, turned round and did the hills all over again. 2.8 miles total.
Feeling better already - that Black dog does not like exercise endorphins.

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Well where do I begin? Maybe I'll start with Oops!
Went to Fatclub weigh in last night (really need to get out of the habit of calling it fatclub, been watching too much Little Britain methinks) and managed to gain 2.5lbs in 2 weeks - Oops!
I'd love to be able to say that I don't understand how on earth I managed to find 2.5lbs, that I've been perfect all week and it just doesn't make sense. But I'd be lieing! I've eaten like a Rhippo this week (a cross between a Rhino and a Hippo cos i can't decide which one I actually am) and spent more time than is healthy convincing myself that a packet of biscuits, egg & chips, chocolate etc etc really won't make me put that much weight on. Wrong! Oops!

Now for the reality check. I am only a couple of pounds away from being where I was when I started fatclub Slimming World last year - I've put almost 21 lbs back on - how bloody stupid of me :(

The Black Dog - I refer to my episodes of depression in terms of The Black Dog. Winston Churchill, that amazing wartime leader of Britain, suffered from deep depression and he coined The Black Dog term.
By naming depression The Black Dog we can use this as a tool to help control it. The aim is for the Black Dog to be happily sleeping away in his kennel but tbh I'm happy whenever he's simply running to heel by my side - not barking or snapping at my heels.
I thought I'd got a handle on him and that he was behaving himself. I think I may have ignored his growls of warning because the last few days he's managed to have me cornered with his snapping and snarling.
He's took the fun out of every hobby I have - I don't find any pleasure in gardening, photography, cardmaking or exercise - I'm seriously struggling here!
I have mental tools to use when this happens to get the Black Dog to back off, such as listening to music via headphones (Black Dog hates music), this helps me to drown out those negative thoughts (Black dog snapping and snarling), I make a real effort to stop negative thought and replace with positive thought (Black Dog hates positive) and I force myself to get out for a walk (Black Dog loathes the happy endorphins from exercise) but today I seriously struggled with any of them.
I looked at the gardens and thought "what's the point", I looked at my crafts and thought "why bother" and I looked at my cameras and thought "seriously, why bother, you're shit at this". I felt seriously detached from anything and that worried me more than feeling 'depressed' or 'down' or 'sad'. Feeling detached is a new one for me - I just don't give an ants fart about any of it. What's the point? I slog in the garden, no one uses it and then 2 days later it all needs doing again. I take photos and they're all shite, I make a card and it just ends up in someones bin eventually, I do the housework and it's all got to be done again day after day after day.
Everywhere I look inside and outside all I see are the weeds that need doing, the drive that needs weedkilling, the lake that needs clearing and all the tidying and clearing that needs doing.

All I want to do is sit in the house and speak to no one and eat!
This ones bad!

I was so hoping that Insanity would be here by Monday - how ironic that I am hoping a workout titled Insanity will bring some sanity back to my mind - but judging by the tracking it won't be. In fact it made it as far as Dundee in Scotland and has now detoured back to |Leicester in England (I live in the far north of scotland) - go figure!

Is it what it seems? + UPDATE

I've been excited about this Insanity workout for a while now. I ordered it the other day and am patiently waiting its arrival so I can transform my body the Insanity way.
However a couple of things have come up that seriously risk me losing the motivation to do it.

The Insanity TV commercial over here in the UK lasts a good 30 mins and in that time we see Shaun T showing us parts of the workout, loads of before and after pictures, participants stories etc etc and then a huge deal is made about the Insanity Tshirt (and I mean a huuuuuuge deal) and all the online support, guidance, motivation etc that is available via the BeachBody website - all this included within the workout package.
I got my email the other day telling me my workout had been shipped and sending me a link to the BeachBody website where I can sign up, find a coach to help me and meet other workout buddies.
I had a few problems registering on the site so I contacted Beachbody about it and guess what? - It ain't available to International customers - WTF!!! How the f**k do they get away with adding it to the TV commercial and using it as an incentive to buy the programme if it's not included?
I duly sent of my complaint on this but no doubt it will be several more days before I even recieve a bog standard reply. In the mean time I have another concern - that Tshirt!!
I make no bones about the fact that the Tshirt was a serious incentive to me to complete this programme. Now that may sound a tad anal to many of you but in the commercial it's a major incentive to complete the programme and it certainly worked on getting my interest up.
I'm currently waiting to hear back as to whether the Tshirt is available to us in the UK. I've checked out the BB website and it certainly doesn't say it isn't (but then neither did the forum, I had to enquire) so I'm hoping that Beachbody are at least honouring that part of the deal.
I kinda feel deflated and ripped off! I've had a heap of DVD workouts and they're all festering away somewhere after boredom set in. The Insanity workout appears different but what helps to make the entire package different (and what gets buyers reeeeally interested) is the community spirit shown in the adverts, the support, the interaction and most all that bloody Tshirt!

I'm still really excited about completing the Insanity workout and I guess it's stupid that such small details have taken away some of the interest but there you have it. I can cope with no forum access but damn I want that Tshirt:)

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UPDATE:

I've spent way too much time trying to figure out what I can and can't use of my purchased Insanity programme so I managed to find a Live chat link on the BeachBody website.
I'm never too sure about these Live chats actually being 'Live' and I had serious doubts that Maria Garcia was anything more than an automated service that responds by picking up key words in your questions, but anyhow I got the info I needed

  Maria Garcia: Thank you for contacting Beachbody, my name is Maria Garcia. If at any time you feel you're not receiving excellent service or feel unsatisfied with what I am doing, please let me know immediately and I will do all within my power to accomplish your request. How may I help you?

Linda Claxson: I am a UK customer and have just bought the Insanity workout. I've just found out that despite the commercial saying we could use the BeachBody forum / coach etc we actually can't. Could you tell me if uk customers are still able to apply for the Tshirt at the end? This is a major reason for buying this workout!

Maria Garcia: Sure I can assist you with that.

Could you please verify the following information so that I may locate your account?
-Billing Name (first and last)
-Billing Address
-City, State, & Zip code   

Linda Claxson: Mrs Linda Claxson, ******************** UK

Maria Garcia: Thank you. Please give me a couple of minutes  while I check this for you. Maria Garcia: Thank you for your patience. Maria Garcia: The Team Beachbody game is only available to residents of the United States and Canada at this time.   Maria Garcia: However, for Free T-Shirt you can certainly send an email to successstories@beachbody.com

Linda Claxson: Thank you for confirming that. Do you know whether there is any intention of allowing UK customers to become part of the 'team' in the future? This is stated on the commercial over here that we can use this service and is part of the reason I bought this workout.

Maria Garcia: I am not sure when the option will be available . Maria Garcia: I have forwarded this request to the concern department and they will take care of this option and hope this option get available to the customers in near future.

Linda Claxson: OK, thank you for your help. Goodbye!

So, she confirmed I can't use the Beachbody coach facility but at least I can go for that Tshirt.
Honestly, if she had said I couldn't get it I was all set to send the programme back (once it's actually arrived) and then buy it much cheaper on the net. Why the heck should I buy from BeachBody at a higher price when I can't use some of what they sold me!
Just to prove a point, here's part of the UK based advert claiming what we get

Elite Nutrition Plan – designed to fuel your body for these intense workouts.
Fitness Guide – short and to the point. It's just the information you need. We want you working out—not reading.
INSANITY^® Calendar – organised into month 1 and month 2 to track your progress, set workout goals, and keep you motivated. Plus, the Fit Test Tracker tracks your results as you watch your body transform before your eyes.
FREE Online Support Tools – stay motivated with round-the-clock access to fitness experts and peer support.

I know immediately how they're gonna get away with not providing something they claim we are buying and that's by saying it's a free gift - I just know there's gonna be some way round it!
Oh well! Looks like I'll just have to hope that they get the International part sorted before I progress to the next workout. If not then I'm gonna buy it elsewhere!

Having said all that I am sooooooo excited to start the programme knowing that I can at least get the Tshirt :)

Positive Mental Attitude, Numb feet & Knee issues

"Whether you believe you can or believe you can't, you're probably right."
-Henry Ford 

 Seems a bit weird me writing a blog post on PMA, after all I'm the first to admit that I usually lack it. However, I'm giving this PMA theory a go.
Last night I went to bed working out my running plan for the next day and as usual I'd talked myself out of it before I even got up this morning.
Instead of just accepting todays defeat though I actually managed to talk myself back into running - cool huh!
First I told myself I don't have to run outside cos I have a perfectly good dreadmill in the lounge and then managed to convince myself it would be easier to set the distance and watch it countdown rather than start at 0 and count mileage up. I even convinced myself it would be fun :/ - go figure!
Then as I started to deliberately get myself sidetracked with housework some little voice popped into my head and said "Ask yourself this - What do you want the most, to lose weight or to not get on that treadmill?"
Whilst erming over that question I'm thinking to myself "If you don't even have the self motivation and will power to get on a machine that does some of the work for you, in your own front room then you've just wasted £120 on an Insanity workout cos you aint gonna manage it".
Well it worked. I was on that machine in a jiffy. I counted down from 2 miles (yup this whole pallaver was over a measly 2 miles) and alternated the speed constantly to keep it ....erm..... I'd like to say interesting but I'm gonna have to go with bearable and before I knew it the torture was over and I didn't walk once - at least not after my 5 minute warm up walk.
Funny thing is once the workout was over I'm getting changed thinking "o yeah, the runner is back" - after one workout that I had to talk myself into lol.

I do seem to have some problems when running though whether it's inside or outside.
Foot cramp - no matter how much I warm up - which then accelerates to complete numbness in my feet, occasionally working up to the knee. Numb feet do not make for a very tidy runner!
Knee injury -  An old knee injury is starting to niggle. I'm assuming it will get better as I lose weight but I will start taking a supplement of some kind plus knee supports.
Hip flexor pain - For a few years now I get this pain which I always thought was a groin strain but is apparantly something to do with the hip flexors instead, so I'm going to have to look into it more because it's playing havoc.
Weird foot/ankle issue. - The doc named it many years ago - hyper mobility or some such thing. Basically when I walk, as my foot comes of the ground something in the ankle doesn't support something in the ankle that needs supporting (cool description huh) and this results in my ankle feeling sprained for about 30 seconds and then it's perfectly normal again. Till it happens again that is. Sometimes it can happen at every step and sometimes not at all. I've not had a problem with it for some years now but it's baaaaaack and it's annoying - I'm thinking ankle supports alongside those supplements!

"Every day is a good day when you run."
-Kevin Nelson

S**T what have I done :/

So I've done it! I've placed my order for the ultimate workout ever!

I gave myself a few days after deciding this would be the workout just in case it was one of those rash decisions made in a moment of absolute Insanity - pardon the pun. But Insanity is now on it's way to the Claxson household.
Have to admit I almost pulled out of the purchase simply because once I'd placed the order and before I got the chance to confirm it, there were 4 pages of  'would you like to purchase............'. This really put me off because some of the extra purchases were workouts and it got me wondering whether the workout I was buying wasn't going to be all it claimed without getting those extras too, which I certainly wasn't buying.
Anyway, I bought it and once it's arrived I'll be doing daily updates and reviews of the workout (maybe even with the odd photo lol) just to record the process for myself but also in case any of you guys are contemplating the workout - I'll be 100% completely honest in my review.

I should point out at this juncture that I am not the fittest of people, ideally I'd like I need to lose 5 stone and I am not the most dedicated or focused of people.
You may ask why I'm bothering then but here's what I'm thinking

1. I want to prove my husband wrong who believes I can do it but won't.
2. I want to stick at something - one thing - and achieve the end result.
3. I'm hoping and praying it aids weight loss even if I'm following Slimming World plan and not the eating plan that comes with the workout.
4. I've already decided to do P90X and Asylum next ;)
5. I want that Tshirt.
6. I want that Tshirt.
7. I reeeeeeeeeally want that Tshirt.

So now I am going to make it my mission to find and follow and interact with a few other bloggers who are using extreme workouts (preferably Insanity) to aid weight loss and are starting them overweight and unfit.

Wonder when it will arrive! Excited!! Bloody nervous too though - it's gonna huuuuuurt!

Amazing motivation - one ladys inspirational journey

OK so lately I've been feeling uninspired, unmotivated, lethargic and just basically Bleh (is that even a word).
Last week I hardly ran at all other than when walking the dog and even that was half hearted.
My relationship with running is not easy because I basically hate it! I do not plan my runs with any degree of excitement nor do I like it when I'm actually doing it. Once I've completed a run I feel great, tell myself I can't wait for the next one (knowing I have the next day off) and convince myself I am a runner. Even the night before a run I go to bed early and kind of look forward to getting up early and heading out but when the next day rolls round I've talked myself out of it before I've even got out of bed. It takes serious willpower to get me out the door.
Today I was walking the dog and had literally convinced myself that running is not for me, I'm giving it up and never have to do it again. You'd think I'd be relieved by that statement but I kinda just felt deflated and defeated - you see, I hate running but I need it and I know I cannot not do it for any length of time.
So I logged online to my favourite blog 'Runs for cookies' hoping that Katie had downloaded her race report - she completed her first ever marathon on Sunday - and my whole outlook changed.
I'm sure most of you know who Katie is but for those of you who don't : Katie is a 30 year old wife and mother of two boys who lost an amazing 125 lbs in 16 months and took up running to maintain that weight loss.
Her blog is a riot of information, motivation and inspiration to anyone who is trying achieve a goal in their life.
Her blog followers have watched as she took up running, entered races when all she could do was walk them, go through surgery and following a diet and healthy eating plan emerged the other side 125 lb lighter and finishing her first marathon.
What i find particularly inspiring about Katie is that she is 'real'. She's 'normal', she could be any one of us and her blog posts deal with the good, the bad and the ugly side to self transformation.
She falters just like us, she has bad habits just like us, she struggles just like us but she never seems to quit, she focuses on what needs to be done and strives to achieve it.

I have dedicated todays post to Katie because she is quite simply inspirational and we all need a dose of that every now and again don't we!
Well done Katie - you did it. Despite the pain - you did it!

Feeder, Saboteur & Insanity

It's a standing joke in this household that my husband is a 'feeder'. This description of him has now been upgraded to 'feeder & saboteur'. Here's what I mean

My husband loves me, I know that 100% and we are soul mates. He loved me when I was thin, he loved me as I expanded and he loves me now. Never has he ever made me feel fat, called me fat or ever hinted at weightloss other than to support me the million and one times I have tried new fads and / or diets.
He has bought me every piece of gym equipment I could need and has never held any of it against me as it gathers dust.
He helps me with running motivation by driving alongside me, he even started running with me when I very first started just because I didn't want to go alone.
BUT it seems that whenever I inform everyone that I'm on a healthy eating plan or diet, the first thing he does is buy me Chocolate. Of course he tells me I don't have to eat it which is very true but still......
So then I'll tell him to not buy me chocolate or sweets unless I ask for them, which he manages to do for a couple of days but then he'll come home with loads of goodies for me insisting it's because he loves me.
The 'feeder' side of him has always been joked about but this week he became the saboteur.
Thursdays is my weigh in night, always has been and he knows this. Usually he comes home early enough, takes me to club, sits outside and waits for me then we go shopping and head home.
This week though he came home at lunch time and announced he was taking me to dinner!
"But I have fatclub later" I told him.
"Oh, you don't want to go to dinner then" asks Wayne.
"We could eat after fatclub?" says me.
"But I'm hungry now" says he.
So what is a girl supposed to do faced with the prospect of missing out on a nice lunch out?
You book a holiday at fatclub that's what!
At least I was honest with them and told them I had a huge lunch follwed by ice cream so there was no way I was hitting their scales!

My husband the Saboteur!

So what's this about Insanity you may ask!
I have decided on my workout - it's Insanity.
PT24/7 involves rubber bands and boxing gloves and no matter how much I try to visualise otherwise I'm seeing all sorts of embarrassing scenarios. Best left for when I'm more coordinated me thinks!
P90X  looked pretty good and very ....erm.....energetic but I found a review site that suggested buying several other pieces of equipment to make the most of the workouts. After the cost of the workout itself I ain't prepared to splash out more.

So Insanity it is. I have now given myself a 7 day get out clause before I buy it. This is because in the past I have had these spur of the moment impulses and then usually regret them later on. This time I'm prepared - but after 7 days I buy it!

Today I decided! I decided on 2 separate things (though one of those things requires a further decision I haven't quite made yet).

Firstly, I have 2 dogs that I used to run with - a Great Dane and a GSD. Lately the most exercise the dogs have got is free run on 4 acres of land all day. That may sound like plenty and they're certainly knackered at the end of it but I've noticed just lately that the GSD, Atlas, spends 10 minutes haring around like a nutter and then spends the rest of the day on a high piece of ground pretending to guard the place while he lays down.
The Great Dane, Huntly, is recovering from ripping a toe nail completely out. His exercise had to be limited because the quik kept bleeding until eventually it dropped off. His new nail is now coming through so today I decided to get them both back into running.
First out was Huntly. I did a 2 mile circuit with him but because their pads need to harden I could only do a little bit of running with him.
As for Atlas, well I did 3 miles with him, all at a walk. This dog is fat. I can't believe how much condition he has lost and he really didn't appear to enjoy this walk so no way was I going to run him.
But this is just the start. I will be taking them out 5 times a week and gradually getting them both back into it. Running with Huntly is especially fun cos he pulls me the entire way lol. It may seem like cheating but then when I run without him my fitness levels have peaked to a point where I can run way faster than before - looking forward to getting back there.

My 2nd decision involves either P90X, Insanity or Billy Blanks PT 24/7. I know I'm going to try one but I just don't know which just yet.
I love Tae Bo and have done Billys DVDs before, in fact I have still have some, but I want the structure of set DVDs. My only concern is the bands, I've read negative reports about the gloves being badly made and ripping and that the bands aren't as good for shorter people. I'm 5ft 4, does that make me short??
Insanity looks well....Insane. I love the different exercises, they look motivational and interesting which is what I need plus no other equipment needed - that's always good. Plus I like the Plyometrics - good for runners.  My only problem is I'm not sure how much room this one needs.
P90X - this one has always interested me. I love the concept behind it but I'm worried it may be too much for me to start with.

I've been checking out the fabulous website 'Fit bottomed girls' and they've done reviews for most DVD workouts. I did get a tad sidetracked and started looking at other workouts but it's definitely gonna be one of the above. Big decision - which??