What do you see when you look in the mirror?

So I guess it's obvious from my lack of posting that the weightloss/fitness hasn't been going too well.
I'm not sure why that would stop me posting because this wasn't meant as a blog that only referenced the successes of my weightloss or fitness. I was supposed to blog all of it - the good, the bad and the downright ugly, only that way could it be an honest representation of probably the hardest journey of my life.
Part of me fleetingly entertained the thought of closing the blog - fleetingly though.
Instead I've taken a long hard think about where I'm going wrong, not with the blogging as such but with this weightloss & fitness journey and many realisations have surfaced. Now I have to figure out a way to work with what is going on.
Too many things have surfaced to bore y'all with it in one hit so I'll drag it out over a few posts with the end result being a plan - a plan that is going to be completely different to everything I have done over the last 20 years.

What do I see when I look in the mirror? I mean what does anyone with a weight issue see when they look in the mirror- Fat? Disgusting? Ugly? 
I actually avoid looking in full length mirrors whenever possible and I absolutely ignore my reflection in shop windows etc. I've learned to use this as a tool so that I can't  say negative things to myself but in reality this is simply a different negative action that feeds negative thought in a different way.  The end result of this negativity is that my family have no photos of us as a family or me alone other than the odd head shot or where I can hide behind another person or where I'm pulling a ridiculous face to hide my dread.
Next month I go on another holiday and yet again I will return with photos of everyone but myself and to be honest I'm fed up with it.
I'm not massively over weight. I can run, do Insanity workouts and be active outside so why do I feel this pressure to lose a certain amount of weight? Why do I feel that people look at me and see a tubby person first before anything else? It's not like I judge people that way - or do I? I think I've realised that maybe I do.
Here's a weird story: Every holiday I go on I am immediately comfortable in a bikini, whatever my size. I spend all day in a bikini and I'll walk round in a bikini and feel totally at ease. Then when it comes to going out in the evening I panic! The amount of times I've ruined nights out on holiday as I've refused to go out because I look fat in my clothes and yet people would have seen me in a lot less all day long. It made no sense and for years when anyone has asked me "why?" my answer was always "Dunno".
Until the last time someone asked me that question and before I knew what I was saying the words that popped out of my mouth were "Because everyone is in a bikini all day and I blend in but it's when you're dressed up that other women look at what you've got on and think 'You should so not be wearing that' or 'wow that does not do your legs any favours' "
I honestly did not realise that's what I thought and then I realised where that thought had manifested - it's what I do! During the day on holiday I barely notice the other bikini clad ladies (unless they're super skinny and are sat right next to my husband lol) but night time when everyone gets dressed that's when I really people watch and check out what everyone looks like.
So what has this knowledge done for me?
Well, now I'm aware of how critical I am of others I'm thinking I can stop myself doing it. I  never critise or comment about anothers persons weight, I find that to be cruel, offensive and detrimental to the other person and while I may not criticise another persons clothes verbally, I do think it and this is what has led me to believe that every one does the same to me.
Maybe now I can look forward to those evening meals when we go to Jamaica in January!
Needless to say I haven't lost the weight that I was hoping to lose for this holiday but strangely - despite being my biggest - I'm ok with this.
I've refused to buy clothes at a size I think I should be rather than the size I am. In fact I've bought clothes that I know will be too big so that I can nip and tuck to get that perfect, comfortable fit for my figure.
I am so looking forward to this holiday - sunbathing all day and dressy dinners at night!

I get there.....................eventually!

So after all my previous promises that I am getting my arse in gear and will be exercising properly and eating properly - in other words, exercising like a flea on speed and eating like a tortoise - I have finally done it! Got my arse in gear that is!

Today was/is the day.
My body is now a temple.

OK so maybe that's overdoing it slightly, I mean no way am I am going to resist some goodies but today I finally started my diet and exercise programme.
This mornings workout consisted of P90X 'Chest & Back' which I know is gonna buuuuuuuurn later on and that was followed by 'Ab Ripper X', which happens to be very aptly named.
I chose ARX cos I hate crunches, they are amazingly boring and always strain the base of my spine. There are NO crunches in ARX, yay!  However do not let that fool you cos Tony Horton has you doing stuff that you always thought impossible. In fact they ARE impossible! Well, for me they are anyways - for now!
Tomorrow is gonna be an Insanity workout. Wow have I missed those workouts. I know they screwed with my knees but sod it, I miss the workout and the other workouts such as 'Turbo Fire' just do not float my boat.
My plan is to mix up P90X with Insanity for the next however many weeks till I go on holiday and hopefully - fingers crossed - some of those summer clothes will fit me again. If not I'm going on holiday naked cos I refuse to buy any more 'fat' clothes!

So this is me for the next 9 some weeks.

Skinny girl where art thou?

OK so I appear to be absolutely naff at this blogging lark of late, despite putting myself out there on my last thread claiming I was going to change - now how many times have I promised THAT over the years ;)

Here's where I am now:
I didn't start my P90X/Turbofire hybrid the other Monday because my sister came up from England with her family and I knew that we'd be out pretty much during all daylight hours. My sister loves to walk and so that's what we did and I have to admit I probably saw more of the county I have lived in for the past 9 years in those 5 days than I ever have before.
Anyway I digress:
I was then supposed to start this Monday just gone but I managed to develop Tonsillitis :(  a sore throat :(  and now a minor cold which has flared up my asthma :(  Basically any kind of exercise that makes me take deep breaths leaves me in coughing fits that make me feel as though I have ripped open my Oesophagus and pulled out my lungs :(
So, right now I'm doing whatever I have to do to recover asap to get this new hybrid on the road.

I also planted a couple of widgets to the right hand side of my page.
There's no point rolling your eyes people Christmas is still gonna be just around the corner - 55 days to be exact  (say it in days and it doesn't sound as close as  8 weeks does it).
Anyway the second widget is for my holiday to Jamaica. It's been about 3 years since we have been on holiday and we're lucky to be going with the same friends we went with on our last holiday. These friends live in England so we never get to see them really so we're really looking forward to January.
The problem for me is my weight - of course!  I don't know about you guys but I never buy new clothes. I either feel guilty spending the money or I convince myself there's no point as I'm gonna lose weight. Do you guys do that?
Well, the problem is that I tried on my lovely holiday clothes the other day and not one of them fits :( Not even the jeans I wore last year :(  Which is strange really cos I don't feel bigger than last year - guess it's called denial.
So I have a grand total of 84 days to fit into those clothes. I have no idea how much I need to lose in weight for that to happen cos I have no idea what I weighed last time I wore them. All I do know is that I thought I was fat back then. Well, I'm even fatter now.
So, 84 days, which equates to about 12 weeks to lose this belly. Can it be done? Well it's either that or I'm going on holiday with no holiday clothes :(

I'm a 'weightloss blog' fraud.

Wow, I've been severely absent from blogging for ages haven't I!
I have no excuses really except to say that I feel like a weight loss fraud!  I started this blog with every intention of posting regular updates of my weightloss journey, my dabble in extreme workouts and the odd informative piece thrown in for good measure.
I started off well , as do we all - I posted, I worked out, I checked out other blogs and I interacted - so what went wrong?
Well I found that the more I failed in my weight loss journey the less I enjoyed posting about it, I mean nobody enjoys posting about their failures do they? And anyway even if I did enjoy such self flagulation who would want to read it? I basically got sick of hearing myself explaining - once again - why I hadn't eaten correctly and / or lost weight.

So what do I have to post now that is so different?
Erm nothing actually - sorry! I haven't lost weight - at least I don't think I have ( I haven't weighed myself in weeks) and I'm once again eating the chocolate I managed to wean myself off of.
But the one constant I have found is 'Insanity'. Nope not the mental kind, though granted Insanity does seem to be a requirement of getting through life but I digress, I'm talking the extreme workout, Shaun T kind of Insanity. The very same workout that leaves you in buckets of sweat, hauling your sorry ass off the floor and looking forward to the next days torture - THAT 'Insanity'
At least it had been a constant until last week when I finally had to admit that I needed to rest for a week because the jumps, squats and lunges were more than my poor knee could cope with. I got sick of having to butt slide up and down the stairs and looking like a 90 year old trying to get off the sofa!
So I have a big decision to make!
On Monday my knee will be rested enough to start working out again. I only have 2 weeks left of Insanity (3 weeks if I repeat last weeks miss) but do I do this and risk knackering the knee again or do I change the programme?
I know, I know, it should be an easy decision, who wants pain right? But I love 'Insanity' and I cannot imagine not doing it. This workout has an uncanny ability to hook you and if it wasn't for my knee I would do it over and over again.
So what's the alternative? Well I need the cardio but without the Plyo which tends to involve alot of high jumps in the air (no good for the knee) and I'd also like to include some weights. So, I could do another extreme workout - 'P90X' for weights & Yoga and then include some 'TurboFire' for the cardio.
I'm quite excited about a new challenge but I don't want to let go of Insanity!!! Aaaaaaargh, it's too hard!
OK, as decisions go it's hardly life or death I know and if this is the biggest decision I have to make in life then my life is either boring or ridiculous but I still have to decide...................

I'll let y'all know on Monday what I decide :)

To cheer you up!

Don't know about the rest of the world but here in the Scottish Highlands it certainly feels as though we skipped Autumn and went straight to Winter - not that we had much of a show from Summer either mind!
So I figured I would cheer y'all up with a photo I took of cut flowers I have been growing in the polytunnel this year :)
How can you not smile when you see these

I got bored with growing veggies this year cos they take too much time so I decided to cut down on veggies and increase the cut flowers. Don't know about you but I absolutely love fresh flowers around the home but my favourites are always so expensive and don't last very long when bought from the shops.
Just a few sweet pea seeds have meant I have been collecting fresh flowers since June and amstill doing so now  :)
I've also increased the Lillies (one of my favourites) and Carnations. They look so lovely freshly cut and mixed with Roses, Montbretia and Hydrangea and best of all they're free.


Not to worry though I haven't spent all my time with my nose in the sweet Peas and Lillies, I have been exercising too - honestly!
Insanity has obviously taken over my mornings for the past 5 weeks and yes I still love it! Amazing really how such an intense, mad workout could motivate me to press play everyday.
I'm really excited about starting the second month next week and a whole load of new even harder workouts :)
I must admit I do swap the Cardio Abs for Ab Ripper X (P90X) though because I prefer ARX - I'm not sure why though.

The Black Dog is happily sleeping in his kennel - yay! And I've even been really enjoying walking the 'real' dogs! It used to be a case of take one, walk as fast as possible, don't look left or right in case we see another dog and get home asap before repeating with the other dog - sooooooo not a nice way to walk the dogs.
Well, my daughter and I have taken them in hand. We're experienced with big dogs but had gotten lazy with their training - it was case of getting the job done asap. Not any longer! We have been taking long, slow, leisurely walks, training them throughout and we now have a Great Dane that doesn't drag us along or jump in the air like Tigger througout the walk and a GSD that no longer sniper walks along attacking anything that looks like it may move. Ahhhhhhh, good times!

So I shall leave you all with happy thoughts xx

Blah.........

That's how I've been feeling for ages now.............. Blah!
Winter is just around the corner and yet we've had no real summer to stock up those vitamin levels to see us through those cold winter days ahead!
Lucky for me we're off to jamaica in January with friends for our first holiday in about 4 years - the house building had to take priority. Have to say I am really looking forward to some sun and a different change of scenery, plus seeing our friends who we've not really seen since our last holiday with them.

There's always a 'but' though isn't there!
Guess who doesn't want to feel like a fat pleb basking on Jamaicas beaches. I certainly don't fancy being mistaken for a beached whale neither!
I've kinda got stuck in a diner on my road to weightloss and tbh I'm sick of telling myself and everyone else that tomorrow will be different - denial or what! All it does is make me feel better while I'm tucking into that bar of chocolate - yes, the stuff I managed to give up for o so long!
Problem is the doors appear to be locked on the diner and I can't find the blasted key to get out and walk in the sun again - it's all so bloody sad!
And yet The Black Dog isn't snapping or even growling at the moment - I'm a tad confuddled!

Insanity is still my daily workout. I'm repeating last week because I am not happy that I had to miss 4 workouts, even though this week should be recovery week before starting month 2. Problem is though I have this 10k run next week and I need to do Insanity to get me through so I don't want to take a recovery next week either.
You would think it wouldn't matter wouldn't you? BUT I have to admit that we have done next to no training for this 10k whatsoever - I hate running! However we want to complete it none the less - besides we want our goody bag and medal lol. So I'm hoping Insanity will see me through (both the workout and my state of mind) and my daughter is fit anyways.
Hmmmmmmm, could be an ugly run me thinks. 

Proof that exercise is good for the soul.

OK so I've been absent for a while - sorry bout that!
I could spin you a whole sorry tale of woes and life getting in the way of my blogging but to be honest it wouldn't be the complete truth.
The truth is I needed the break - it's as simple as that!
Don't get me wrong, I love interacting with other bloggers that are on a fitness or weight loss life change  and I've missed it heaps over the last few weeks - but I still needed that break.
You see, I think I overdid the goals I previously set myself, in fact they got seriously unrealistic. I put so much emphasis on 'I'm going to lose this much weight' or 'I'm going to train this many times' that I simply stopped enjoying it and once I'd stopped enjoying the working out I stopped enjoying the blogging. I found myself constantly picking at my faults, slaughtering myself at missing those unrealistic goals and making promise after promise to do better next time - and we all know how that goes huh!  I've spent the last 20 years going round in that particular circle and I did not want my blog to turn into a diary of such behaviour - this blog was supposed to help me change that bad habit.

So what has happened?  Well I continued with the Insanity workout but missed the last 2 weeks of the programme. My results to that point had been great in terms of strength, stamina, flexibility etc but weightloss was non existant because I didn't control the crap I ate.
After a weeks break I half heartedly started insanity from the beginning again. Insanity is not a workout that you can do with less than 100% commitment, it really isn't. So my half hearted attempt was doomed from the start - I felt a complete failure when I gave up after just a week.
For 2 weeks I despaired - literally! I couldn't understand why I wasn't motivated for Insanity when I still loved the programme. In the end I decided to set another start date and really psyche myself up for it, so that's what I did.

A little over 2 weeks ago I restarted Insanity and I love it! My mojo is back, probably even more so than first time round! I am able to complete the moves better this time round, I can keep up more and I am working harder.
The diet is still not perfect but Insanity is making me want to make those changes because the more I work with Shaun T the better I want to get and to do that I need to lose belly fat!
Believe me though getting myself this motivated was hard! I was in a serious pit clawing at the walls to get out but dirt just kept falling right back in on top of me and all the while that Black Dog was seriously defending the entrance to the pit and my only way out! . That first day was horrendously hard, just getting dressed was a major achievement never mind the knowledge that I then had to go and press play to an insane workout!

This is what I looked like that first morning:- I could have quite willingly gone back to bed and pulled those covers over my head! Every ounce of my mind and body was screaming at me in protest of pressing play!

But I forced myself to press play with the promise that if I still felt like crap after doing the workout then I could go back to bed.
I pressed play and this is what I looked like after, despite pushing my hardest and being more knackered than I care to remember:-

I didn't go back to bed!
I couldn't believe the difference I felt after that first workout. The Black Dog that had had me cowering for cover an hour earlier was nowhere to be seen or heard afterwards.
Proof positive of the power of exercise!

Life! - I'm taking mine back!

Anyone that regularly reads my blog will know that my workout of choice has been 'Insanity'.
For the past 9 weeks Shawn T has been my daily date and I wanted to update y'all and let you know how Insanity worked out for me.

Well I got off to a great start.  I found myself amazed that despite how insane this workout is I was motivated to press play every day and dig deeper than I ever thought possible.
I took my before pictures so that I could claim my tshirt by the end of it, took my measurements and recorded my weight and got all excited at the prospect of a huge weight loss at the end of my 9 weeks.
Simple huh?
Well not so much! Insanity works! Believe me, this workout will enable you to get the body you have always wanted. Yes you'll have to dig deep, put in more effort than you ever thought you possibly could and you will most definitely cry at some point in the 9 weeks, BUT it will do exactly what it says on the tin.
So why aren't I showing off that toned, fat free body you may ask. Well basically there are 2 important factors to this workout - digging deep and eating healthily- and while I had bucketloads of digging deep I also fell into that trap of  "well, I earned this I can eat it". Yes a treat is perfectly acceptable but not every day and at every meal........and maybe in between meals too.
Nope there is no one to blame but myself. I may be fitter than I was when I started, I may also be heaps more flexible than I was but I aint no thinner and it's all down to that healthy eating.

So why do I think I'm going to change it?
Well, I missed the last 2 weeks of the program because life got in the way and today I started 'Insanity' round 2.
"ok but that doesn't explain why this round will be so different"
Well basically because I know how it feels to finish a workout each and every day that would see most fit people heading for the door and yet still not look any better by the end of it. I also now know  how much weight I could have lost if I had just focused and applied myself more. Plus I also now know 100% for sure that if I follow healthy eating alongside the workout then I will lose weight.  It may take another round or two to get where I finally want to be but hey.........................

Today I completed the day1 fit test all over again. I wasn't going to compare my results to last time but I couldn't resist a quick sneak peak and I wasn't terribly dissappointed.
As there is no workout after the fit test so early on I decided to do a stint of Yoga from P90X. I mean Yoga, how hard can it be right! It's just a load of standing and breathing isn't it?  Hmmmmmm, well that 1 1/2 hours soon wiped that thought from my head. I could hardly complete any of the moves and I was sweating as much  as I was during the workout. 
Seriously guys, Yoga is bloomin hard. So hard that I think I'm going to only do it on my day off from Insanity, it's too much to do on the same day.

So anyways I have new 'before' photos which I will share at some point (though maybe not on my main page, they are that hideous) and I even decided to have them show me in underwear this time instead of running gear like I did last time. I figured it was time I really faced this.

Eek!

Habitual eating!

How many of us are guilty of habitual eating I wonder!
I do it and I've only just allowed myself to really think about that statement and what it means.
The last time I felt hungry - really hungry - was when I was a kid. We had 3 proper meals a day but you know what kids are like - hungry all the time lol, and we were not allowed to eat between meals so if we were hungry it was kinda tough crap! Until the next meal time of course.
Obviously this where my negative relationship with food began and it just escalated throughout my childhood and into my adult life. Now I can honestly say I do not know what it feels like to be hungry BUT is that a good thing? Not when I habitually eat to prevent myself feeling hungry it isn't!
I don't eat because my stomach is telling me it's empty or because I have a feeling that says I need to eat food. I eat because I can! The problem with this though is that I'm not mindful of the food I do eat, I simply shovel it in.
I've spent years trying to figure out why I eat the way I do and where it stems from and so it was strange for me to finally think to myself "does it really matter why?"  "Will it change anything?". The answer is No, it doesn't matter why and the knowledge will not change anything. The only way to change what I eat is to be mindful and aware of what I eat - my childhood food issues cannot be changed only my adult ones can be.

 "Cats meow. Dogs bark. And whatever happened in your life that you aren't happy about...happened. No amount of thinking, hoping or wishing will change it.
So unless you accept it, you're just fighting reality."  My bodytutor.com

Last night a strange thing happened, I got the munchies! The munchie part isn't the strange thing though obviously, the strange part is what I craved. Normally it would be chocolate (a craving I now have under control) or cake or something else sweet. But last night I seriously craved Melon! Of all things....Melon. I was salivating just at the thought.  But it didn't stop there. I allowed myself to imagine the Melon and what else I would like and I was piling Pineapple & Strawberries onto that image.  Of course I had to crave something I didn't have so I went to bed before I replaced it with something not so healthy but still..................Melon :)

So where am I actually going with this?  Well, that craving last night showed me what can  happen when I actually think about food. Instead of automatically reaching for the comfort food I asked myself what I would reeeeeeally like to eat and the answer suprised me so I am going to try to do that from now on. Instead of automatically saying Yes to whatever is being cooked I'm going to ask myself if a) I am hungry (I think this going to take some practice) and b) what do I fancy eating.

Taking care!

Carrying on from my last post about skin care products I thought I would share my favourite moisturisers with you.
I've really enjoyed researching the products that y'all recommend lately and am going to try a couple of new products to see how they work for me. However at the moment these are the products I use that I have found over several years are perfect for my skin type.


Liz Earles 'Skin repair moisturiser' is, for me, THE best moisturiser I have ever tried - and I've tried many!
Most moisturisers leave me with either spots or painful lumps on my skin, even on the dry areas and because I have combination skin I have different needs for different areas. This particular product can be used on my entire face and has never ever left me feeling greasy or spotty.
It soaks in immediately but leaves a feeling of suppleness to the skin.
If you're one of those ladies like me that can't understand why your eye/face moisturiser that you put on at night leaves you with puffy eyes in the morning, it's because your nightime moisturiser does not need to be as thick and rich as your daytime one. Because your skin is not under external influences at night the skin doesn't need to absorb it and use it quite the same as daytime and this is what creates those puffy morning eyes. For years I was using a different moisturiser for daytime & nightime but now I have found this one I can use it day & night and it's incredible.
With ingredients such as Wheatgerm Oil, Borage Oil, Echinacea, Vitamin E & Avocado Oil (among others) this product is full of natural ingredients and is not tested on animals. :)

L'occitane hand cream is also one of the best I have ever tried. I suffer from dry, chappy hands because I spend so much time outside in the garden and doing manual landwork.
This hand cream is one of the few I have found that soaks in and doesn't leave you with a greasy feeling afterwards. It's a thick cream /paste and the shea butter ingredient is well known for its moisturising properties.
My only concern with this product is that L'occitane do test on animals and as such I will not be replacing the tube I bought (that lasted me months longer than any other product) but will be trying other products and hopefully find one that works just as well.

Again, this is a L'occitane product and although it's not really a moisturiser it is a body milk. The smell is absolutely gorgeous (Rose) and it lasts in the body for a long time. I haven't tried the other scents in the L'occitane collection as Rose is my favourite scent.
This really is a milky consistency - maybe a tad thicker - and it soaks into the skin beautifully without having to use too much product.

So they are pretty much the only moisturisers I use. I am looking into replacing the L'occitane ones with another product that doesn't test on animals but it's such a shame that L'occitane cannot work this out for themselves as their products really are divine!

Feeling good.

Lately I've been interested in reading about all the various skin and hair care products you guys use to help combat the stresses we put our skin under during outdoor exercise in all weather conditions.

Today I thought I would start sharing some of the products I use myself but I will do this over a few posts rather than just one enormously long and boring post.
I'll start with facial cleansing today.

As a teenager my skincare routine was nothing short of horrendous. I worked around horses daily and this often caused blocked pores and for some reason soap and water just never left me feeling clean - my skin felt tight but never clean - and I soon realised I had combination skin. That 'T' zone is a real bummer eh ladies!
I hate to admit this but for many years I used Surgical spirit to clean my face! I know, bad huh! But I liked the stinging sensation and honestly believed it was taking all that dirt away - which it was. It was just taking a layer of skin away too. And if I ran out of SS then good old fashioned nail varnish remover was the next step and we're not talking the accetone free ones either.
Eventually I came to my senses and stopped and then for many years I used nothing but water on my face - I am completely shocked that I did not do lasting damage to my skin through those younger years.

For the last few years I have used 3 different products:
For general cleansing through the day I use Distilled Witch Hazel. This is a natural astringent and is fabulous on greasy or combination skin (I wouldn't use it on dry skin) and is brilliant on spots.
This is a cheap product at about £1.79 from superdrug and lasts a long time as you apply it with a cotton swab. Even if you think you're skin is clean this product will find dirt.

Another cheap product I use is Cuticura and I use their Cucumber facial scrub a few times a week and their Cucumber facial wash everytime I bathe or shower.
Both products are about £1 from the Factory shop.
These products have a lovely Cucumber fragrance but it's not overwhelming. The scrub needs a pea size amount and is very gritty. The wash also needs a small amount only and lathers up really really well. My skin always feels clean and refreshed after using these.

Finally, my favourite facial wash of all time is 'Liz earle's Cleanse & polish'.
I only have this product if I've been given it as a gift for xmas or birthdays etc due to the cost of it (about £27) but when I do have it it's the only product I need to use.
The cleanser is used with a muslin cloth and warm water and I have yet to find another product that cleanses and refreshes like 'Cleanse & Polish' does. It leaves no tightness just soft, clean skin and best of all it is for all skin types and can be used around the eyes PLUS it contains all natural ingredients.

So there you have it. These are the products that I use regularly / daily for facial cleansing. I hope it encourages you guys to give them a go if you don't already.

Oh my!

Been a while since I've posted. I've been kind of feeling sorry for myself because every bone, joint and sinew in my body has been bloomin hurting of late.  In fact I have all the prowess and agility of a 150 year old at the moment.
I'm guessing this has been a Fibromyalgia flare-up and because it's so debilitating the Black Dog takes advantage and has subsequently been biting and snarling away, heck even my meds for Narcolepsy haven't helped and these are supposed to be happy, brain alert pills.
On Monday I physically could not do Insanity and it was the hardest admission I've had to make in a long time - I so wanted to press play!  The problem was my joints and knees but also my lower back, I ususally know how to work around the back pain but I just couldn't do it on Monday.  Tuesday I felt better and managed Insanity fit test and a whole new workout for month 2 (I thought the first month workouts were hard but these new ones had me on the floor within minutes). Wednesday I was still ok but my knee joints were seriously starting to seize again - I was fine walking but sitting down and getting up were impossible.
Today I should have done Insanity recovery but I decided to rest the knees ready for tomorrows workout, I'm not taking chances with these knees because knee problems/replacements are genetic in my family!
So there you go, I feel like shit BUT the Black Dog is back in his kennel courtesy of a lovely day outside in the sunshine doing the gardening (albeit with geriatric movements). He's watchful but at least he's in the damned kennel and I'm looking forward to pressing play tomorrow and being worked to the point of crying - seriously, who knew!

On another note I finally came to a decison about my next insane workout. I was going to  do another round of Insanity but I want to give my knees a break from the high jumping, then I thought of Turbofire and pretty much had settled on that but again that involves alot of knee impact so I finally settled on...........................................P90X.
Yep, the Tony Horton mentally and physically challenging workout that is P90X. I have the workout DVDs ready and will be starting it on approximately 6th August - can't wait!
I've had a quick glance over some of the workouts - I'm going for the Lean option - and at first I was a bit concerned by the lack of Insanity involved lol. Honestly, after Shawn T and his manic workouts P90X just seemed .......tame! Yes I did just say that!
However after watching a few more workouts and really studying what they were doing I could see just how demanding the moves are. Tony's happy and relaxed but encouraging chatter will also be a welcome change from what I'm doing now. I'm not saying one is better than the other, they're just both different.

C'mon y'all, let's goooooooooo!

Insanity!
What does the word conjur up in your mind?
It's probably not producing the image of a workout that you will enjoy doing huh?
Have you seen the Insanity workout infommercials? C'mon ladies you know the one - the one with Shaun T sweating profusely, getting his face in the screen and yelling that 'you can do this'.
Or are you the sceptical person that watches these infommercials and thinks "yeah right, as if" or "I'm way too unfit to do that" or "not in this lifetime" or even "I'm too old"?
Well a few weeks ago that was me. I've watched that infommercial for the last year or so. Originally I liked the look of Tony Hortons 'P90X' and then I saw Saun T's 'Insanity'. His energy and enthusiasm is contagious and I really wanted to do this workout but was convinced a) I'm too unfit  b) I'm too old (seriously too old at 40, wtf)  c)Don't reckon it will work.
But, 5 weeks ago I thought 'sod it'. Beachbody (the owners of Insanity et al) were offering monthly instalments and a 60day money back guarantee so I figured I would buy it, try it and send it back when it didn't live up to any of the claims.
For some reason I became fixated on the free Insanity tshirt, given to those who complete the challenge and send their before & after pictures and measurements in. The infommercial shows that tshirt alot, it shows people wearing it proud to be able to  say 'I earned it' and for some reason it struck a chord with me - I want that tshirt!
By the time Insanity arrived I was nervous that I wouldn't be able to do it but soooooo excited that I was giving it a chance - I have a whole DVD graveyard full of tried & tested workouts, this one had to be different, didn't it?
On day 1 of the Insanity workout I recorded my weight, measurements and took those before photos - I have to say this was where I was most reluctant. I have hidden from the camera for about 20 years now so this was alien to me. In fact there was no way I was getting anyone to take them for me so I waited until everyone was out, erected some dodgy looking scaffold for the camera, set the timer and took the pictures (which haven't even made it to my blog just yet).
I have to say those pictures just validated exactly why i shouldn't have my photo taken.

Anyway, day 1 of Insanity was a fit test and I have to say that this fit test was exactly that. It showed me exactly how unfit, uncoordinated and unflexible I actually am - it kind of opened my eyes and made me seriously doubt about my ability to do this workout.
The first workout I did was extreme to say the least. I went into this knowing that I wasn't even going to attempt to keep up with the guys on screen - at least not to start with - if I go down that road then I'll lose interest when I can't keep up.
Despite my total inability to do some of the moves I loved it, I mean I seriously loved the workout and was on a high all day!
For the rest of the week I found myself wanting to get into a new routine so that I was up early and ready to press play and go a round of Insanity.
That enthusiasm has never waned!
I am now in week 5 of Insanity which is a recovery week preparing myself for month 2 and it's brand new workouts but don't be fooled, I do not know what dictionary Shaun T is familiar with but no definition of recovery I am aware of quite describes what is involved in Insanity recovery week. BUT the recovery workout is so far one of my favourite.

So far I am going to say that Insanity and Shaun T completely live up to the hype in those infommercials. This workout is different to anything else I have ever tried.
Fo the first month there are 5 different workouts plus a fit test plus a rest day so every day is different.
The recovery week is 1 workout repeated over 6 days but is so far my favourite of all of them.
Month 2 has a further 5 new workouts plus the fit test and plus utilising a couple of workouts from month 1 - it's going to be tough!
I haven't weighed myself since starting the workout. I'm reluctant to do this because so far I haven't watched my diet. I'm getting my butt in gear ready for the second month though and will record any losses at the end of the month. I did have a sneaky measure of my waist this morning just out of curiosity and I've lost 2" from it so I'm pretty hopeful that there'll be more by the end of month 2.
The main improvements I have found are flexibility

Another thing that makes the Beachbody workouts different (this includes P90X, Hip Hop Abs, Slim in 6, Turbofire and loads more) is that the purchaser gets access to the Beachbody website which is full of forums, interactive workouts, advice, tips and gives you all the support that you could need. You are also assigned a free coach who is there to help you, guide you and advise you and this support is what makes these workouts unique - they are extremely interactive.
US residents also get the chance to become a coach too and earn extra money through that however this opportunity is not available in the UK yet but hopefully it will be in the future.

So what are you waiting for? Do you want to try one of these Insane workouts? Get extreme results? Want to be motivated by the likes of Shawn T, Tony Horton or Chalean?
Click one of the links to the left of this page and head on over to their website to check out your extreme workout of choice, I promise you you will not regret it.

Food Addiction

Food Addiction is a subject quite close to my heart. There are many of us that have a negative relationship with food but never really understand that it's a problem.
I am addicted to Chocolate! I always joke about it but to be honest it's not been a joke for a few years now. I have gradually come to understand just how much of a control it has on my day to day living.
I think about it the minute I get up and would gladly substitute a proper meal for a slab of chocolate regardless of the nauseous feeling I am left with afterwards due to being unable to control how much I eat.
I also have a generally negative attitude toward food. I have made improvements over the last year or so but there are times when I still find myself unable to refuse the junk food and shovel it down like it's my last meal ever. Of course the guilty disgusted feeling soon follows and the food addiction cycle comes full circle.

Today, something changed. I ate a huge slab of chocolate, felt nauseous as usual but instead of shoving that thought aside I confronted it.
I suprisingly found myself reluctantly admitting that I didn't even enjoy the chocolate - I mean how could I, I shovel it down so quick  I hardly even get a taste of it. I shovel it down so fast so that I can manage to eat the entire bar before feeling full and I want to eat the entire bar because I'm afraid someone else will pinch it if I don't. The thing is no one has ever taken my chocolate so I don't know where that fear stems from.
I'm also faced with the reality of the health repercussions of chocolate. As an addict of chocolate I can ignore the blocked arteries because I can't actually see them and I can avoid having a cholesterol check too but when your heart starts pounding and racing after eating it, well THAT is a little harder to ignore.
Today is the day I admit - seriously admit - that I am addicted to Chocolate, that I cannot control it and that it is having a negative impact on my life.
Today is the day I quit Chocolate.

It's going to be hard, very hard. Like any addiction I am going to crave it and possibly reach for it without realising I'm doing it. I have to learn to recognise what triggers a craving and learn to change those habits.
Can I do it?   You bet I can.
But what makes this time different?  As stupid as it may sound, Insanity makes it different! I have tried so many workout routines and have always got bored or lost motivation within the first week. Insanity has motivated me in a way I never thought possible. It has pushed me to my limits, it's made me cry, made me angry, left me in a heap on the floor and yet it's had an amazing positive impact on me too. Every morning I get up early and press play. Even on the days when I really want to stay under the covers and cower from the Black Dog, I get up, I get dressed and hit play and at the end of the workout I feel amazing. Amazing because I pushed further than I thought I could, I motivated myself more than I ever thought possible and I have picked myself up from the floor and given one more push more times than I care to remember.
1 month ago I would never have believed it possible. Thank you Insanity & Shawn T.

Do you have a healthy relationship with food? Check this out

Food Addiction – Are You a Food Addict?
Food addiction is a contemporary term used to describe a pathological disorder; the compulsive, excessive craving for and consumption of food. This condition is not only manifested by the abnormal intake of food, but the intake and craving for foods that are, in themselves, harmful to the individual. While society and the medical profession have readily understood alcoholism and drug abuse, it is only in recent years that there is an equal acceptance of the fact that persons may be addicted to food in the same way. When any substance is taken into the body regardless of its potential for harm or in excess of need, that substance is said to be abused. Individuals who abuse substances in such a way are addicts; these persons become physiologically and mentally dependent upon certain substances, in this case food.

One need only ask themselves a few key questions to determine his or her addiction:

• Do you eat when you are not hungry or when you feel low or depressed? YES
• Do you eat in secret or eat differently in front of others than when you’re alone?YES
• Do you consume inordinate amounts of food and then purge later with vomiting or laxatives to get rid of the excess?NO
• Are there foods that are harmful to you, but you eat them anyway?YES
• Do you feel guilty after eating?YES

If you can answer yes to any of these questions than you are likely addicted to food. Food Addiction – Causes and Manifestations
Food addiction, as with any other addiction, is a loss of control. The individual understands that their way of eating is harmful, but continues the destructive behavior. The phenomenon of food addiction is both physiological and psychological.

Many individuals have what may be termed “food allergies.” These are trigger foods which when ingested cause negative symptoms and changes in the body but at the same time provoke cravings. The individual, for instance, the diabetic, may be made “sick” by the intake of sugar, but will still continue to crave it and eat it in excess, with adverse effects. Studies are also continuing regarding certain proteins in milk and wheat which when ingested produce narcotic-like effects. These chemicals mimic the body’s natural painkillers, endorphins, and have thus been termed “exorphins.” Individuals may be suffering from depression, low self-esteem or loneliness; they will find a high when ingesting large quantities of food or certain foods such as salt or chocolate. The immediate high gives way to a sick feeling or guilt, leading to more depression. Because the addict is out of control, he or she will turn once again to the same eating patterns in a conscious or unconscious effort to feel better.

Food addicts come equally from all age, race, and gender groups. They are overweight, underweight, and some of normal weight. They are linked by their obsession with food. The obese individual suffers humiliation due to excess weight; they may be lethargic and sedentary unable to move around freely. The underweight person may be bulimic; though they eat obsessively, they are so afraid of becoming overweight that they will induce vomiting, take laxatives, or exercise compulsively to prevent weight gain. They may also alternate with periods of anorexia, refraining from food to control their weight. The person of normal weight while appearing normal may be obsessed with food, constantly thinking about what to eat or how much they weigh. The entire subject of food is a misery to them; they count calories compulsively, eating without enjoyment.
Food Addiction – Is There Any Hope for Recovery?
Food addiction is a serious condition with many adverse health consequences. Obesity, psychological disorders, diabetes, and gastric anomalies are just a few.

The first step to recovery is, of course, the realization and acceptance of the problem. Medically, individuals must identify which foods -- the trigger foods -- cause allergic symptoms and cravings.

There is no easy way to combat food addiction; it will require intense discipline in modifying eating patterns and lifestyle. A manageable exercise program should be embraced along with dietary changes that may be maintained. Ambitious attempts to change eating patterns abruptly or to lose weight quickly rarely have long-term success.

The physiological and psychological dependency of food can best be broken when the individual recognizes that they are powerless to combat it alone. They must look to God, who alone is able to provide help and healing in this and all areas of human helplessness. “For I am the LORD who heals you" (Exodus 15:26b). God is as much concerned with our physical well being as He is with our spiritual relationship to Him. As an individual seeks Him, he will find health and healing and recovery. “Dear friend, I am praying that all is well with you and that your body is as healthy as I know your soul is” (3 John 2). 

Oh no you didn't!

So here's the thing. I'm loving my Insanity workouts ..... well as much as a person can love pushing their body to the point of being unable to breathe anyways :)
But I've hit a minor glitch. So far I've managed to work around it but this glitch is getting more painful by the day and the thought of being told to stop the Insanity workout really worries me.
The problem is my knee. I always expected a few niggles in my joints starting such an insane workout but I always imagined it would be my hips or ankles that let me down, not my ruddy knees.
I'm guessing I'm doing some of the higher energy moves wrong particularly the high knee jumps. I asked my coach what could be causing the knee pain and it would seem I've been landing wrong :( The idea is to land softly on the balls of your feet with bent knees. I'm managing the bent knees but I've been landing heavily on the flat of my feet - my knees have been getting progressively worse over the last few days because of it. I now find it really painful to squat, walk up and down stairs and even walking hurts until it eases up a bit.
I so did not see this coming!
I only have myself to blame though, I should have taken precautions before starting the workout and should have made sure I knew the moves properly. A couple of years ago I had a stupid accident that involved me slipping and bashing my left knee and leg. Off I popped to the hospital but the xray department had shut for the weekend (this was Friday night - good job this wasn't an emergency huh) and I never bothered going back for it on Monday. My leg and knee healed after a few months although my lower front leg was still squishy. I never even gave my knee a thought when I started this workout and it's the same knee that's hurting now.
So what am I going to do? Well,  1) strap the knee up during workout  2) either modify the jumps till it heals or at least land softly  3) start taking Glucosamine and cod liver oil  4) wall stretches for the knee 5) Pray this works.

On the upside I've noticed a few positive changes too :) I haven't checked weight or measurements since I started but there's been a huuuuge improvement with my back.
For years now I have suffered with severe back ache in a morning. It stems from some damage I did to it when I worked with horses years ago. For the first time in yonks I am waking up without a back ache and for me that is a huge relief!
I've also noticed that my walking posture has improved. I don't slouch when I walk now and my shoulders seem to naturally fall back rather than forward.
Now, if I can just sort out this knee pain!!

Extreme workout

Last week I decided that I was going to quit the Slimming World weekly weigh in.  It was a big decision to make because I have never done well with losing weight when I'm not accountable to a slimming group BUT there's many reasons for me making the decision.

1. I've never stayed for the group therapy part. It just doesn't interest me and because the class is at night time and 15 miles away it just gets too late for me personally.
2. Paying and weighing. Obviously it's my fault that I only turn up to class, pay my fee, get weighed and get out but I started to question what I'm actually getting from that. I'm not accountable to the group because I don't stay.
3. The atmosphere is not one of a happy group (another reason I don't stay after weigh in). 
4. The leader of the group is a fun gal but there's no motivation whatsoever. She never interacts or  asks questions or finds out how we've done. Obviously she would if we stayed on after but there's absolutely no support if we don't.
5. I've got into the habit of starving myself all day every Thursday because weigh in is at night (I'd prefer first thing in the morning). I'll drink through the day but even that stops at about 2pm and then I work myself up so much during the day I go to class with a stomach ache.
6. By the time I've been weighed in the evening I'm so hungry that I hit the shops and stuff myself with sweets convincing myself that I can burn it off during the week. The problem with that scenario is that once I binge it's hard to stop.

So I decided enough is enough. Going to class is not healthy for me right now.
I am still following the slimming world plan because I know it works and I will weigh myself once a week first thing in the morning and see if I can do this myself. Well, actually, I know I can do it! If I can press play to an Insanity workout everyday then I know I can watch my diet myself.

Talking of Insanity;)  today was CPR 'Cardio Power & Resistance'. This particular workout is madness - and I love it. I pushed harder today than I thought possible and managed to keep up with the guys on screen much more :)
Here's my post workout piccie. See the smile?

THIS is how I really felt:

Flippin knackered.
If you've seen the Insanity commercials you'll have seen the sweat that drips off Sean T and the others - that sweat is for real y'all and by half way through (perhaps even in the beginning of the workout as was my case) you will be sweating bucket loads.
Insanity workouts will make you sweat, cry, scream, hit the floor in exhaustion and question your sanity BUT you will love every single minute of it because every time you drag your sorry knackered butt off that floor and give one last push when you thought you had nothing left you will feel invincible!

Take a good look people

Take a good look at just how much fat you dieters are removing from your body:

That 20 lber just looks gross doesn't it! Just imagine that's what we're removing from around out bellys and bodies and that is what is surrounding our internal organs when we're overweight!
Ewww right?

Now look at this Fat to Muscle comparrison:

And here's just a little reminder for y'all!

So I haven't been running - still!
My daughter is away and as she is my training buddy for the Loch Ness 10k I've decided to wait till she gets back in a couple of weeks.
In the mean time INSANITY is getting........well....INSANE and I'm hoping to see a huge improvement in my running ability when I get going again. I know it'll be hard cos I haven't run for a while but the improvement I'm looking for is not feeling like I'm running through sludge as soon as I get going - Insanity Plyometrics should be helping that!

I did week 3 fit test yesterday and although my results are probably still below average I made improvements on all moves.

1. Switch kicks improved by 11.
2. Power jacks improved by 7.
3. Power knees improved by 18.
4. Power jumps improved by 7.
5. Globe jumps improved by 1  :(
6. Suicide Jumps improved by 3.
7. Push up jacks improved by 4.
8. Low plank oblique improved by 9.

The Black Dog is taking the proverbial today. One minute he's snapping, the next he's snoozing - what's with that!
Time for some music I think so that I can send him back off to La La land!  :) - smiley face just to annoy the Black Dog.

Water & Cravings

"Dream it, believe it and you will achieve it"

We're always told that water is important for our bodies right! I'm not sure what the health recommendations are with regards to the amount of water we should drink everyday but I for one try to drink it constantly throughout the day.
But check this out:

Who knew!
Who knew it actually did all that?  I mean, I knew it made up a huge percentage of our blood but 75% of our muscles?  75% of our brain? 22% of our bones?  I for one didn't know those things.  I'm pretty sure I would have learned these facts at some point during those boring science classes at school but I would have to say it hasn't been sloshing around in that 75% of brain water for the past 24 years of leaving school. Must have gone in and been pee'd right back out again. I know now though!


Now check out this one:

Where on earth do they come up with these? And how do they know that when I'm really craving that gorgeous silky smooth bar of chocolatey goodness that what I reeeeeally want is Nuts, Seeds, legumes or fruit? Hmmmmmm Chocolate or Nuts? Chocolate or seeds? Chocolate or fruit? Nope I ain't getting it. Right now I am craving that bar of chocolate in the fridge. I'm craving the taste, the texture the whole darned thing. Now if I sit and dream of Nuts, seeds, legumes or fruit am I feeling that same feeling? Am I craving them? Do I even fancy them or like them?
I'm thinking not so much! Think I'd rather have the Magnesium Supplement that they claim my body needs and sit and enjoy that chocolatey goodness!

No real exciting news to share re Insanity. I'm still doing it. I'm still loving it, I'm still diggin deep and the time spent hitting the floor in complete exhaustion is getting less which has got to be a good thing!
SI6 is even getting easier too.
Though I have to admit I am looking forward to recieving a sample of a pre workout drink I've ordered. If it's tolerable taste wise, does what it says on the packet and doesn't just leave me jittering like a caffeine junkie then I'll buy it in bulk.

Did you know?

Well I certainly didn't! Or at least it's easier to let myself believe I didn't know.
But I recently came across these on the net

Certainly make you think don't they?
How many of those issues are we already suffering from? All caused by carrying extra fat on our bodies!
Problem is I think these images can often be like a Lung cancer warning on a pack of cigarettes - ignored! Not that I smoke though. Never have and never will.
It's amazing isn't it what the brain is capable of ignoring? My brain is evidently quite adept at ignoring the warnings on images like these and yet is incapable of ignoring the chocolate bar in the fridge - what's with that!

Todays Insanity attack was Plyometric Cardio Circuit and crikey did it hurt......heaps! I'm still astounded at just how motivated I still am for this workout though.
After Insanity I had a 5 minute cool down and then started up 'Slim in 6'. I really wasn't going to because my butt is still burning from Mondays workout but I'm glutton for punishment (not just food lol) and so I completed SI6 again. 

Burning buns........................

And not the nice edible kind either. I'm talking burning backside, ass, butt, booty or whatever else you choose to call it.
It blinkin hurts!
The culprit? Probably not what came straight to the mind of you guys that's for sure ;)  It was that 'slim in 6' workout from Monday.
I was going to do it again today after Insanity Pure Cardio but seriously I have never know my butt muscles to be this sore, even I have to laugh at my attempt to get in and out of a chair.
Plus, plus, my inner thigh muscles! I honestly thought I'd been absent the day inner thigh muscles were dished out. I guess years of being covered in flab kind of camouflaged them huh. But guess what, if this pain is anything to go by then they're most certainly there and are firing on all cylinders.

I have to say 'Slim in 6' was difficult and the DVD I did was just the first one of the set 'start it up'.
Here's what each DVD claims

3 easy-to-follow workouts for amazing body-slimming results:

• Start It Up! introduces you to the basic Slim Training moves for burning calories and reshaping your body.
• Ramp It Up! helps you burn more calories each day to accelerate your results.
• Burn It Up! takes slimming and toning to the next level to complete your body reshaping.

I know I've only done the first day of the first DVD but honestly, I have never felt these particular muscles so fired!
There's no way I am ready to do it every day after Insanity so I'm going to do it every other day for a couple of weeks first.

As for INSANITY. Well I struggled today. I struggled to get out of bed due to a late night, I felt knackered, had a belly ache and then did the workout on an empty stomach and forgot to take my Narcolepsy meds first (which give me a boost).
I got through the entire workout though. NEVER will I press pause or stop unless I'm finished - not a habit I want to get into.
Loving it still and looking forward to Cardio Abs being bought into it this week.

Get your s**t together

That's exactly what I need to be saying to myself right now!
I'm avoiding running and the longer I leave it the harder it is to get going again. The main reason is that I've been doing this training with my daughter. We knew it would be hard for her to fit runs in because she works with horses at an Equestrian college and so we only really get the weekend to run.
The initial aim was for me to run on a Tuesday then we'd both run on Fridays and Sundays but I'm kinda coming up with all excuses not to and now my daughter goes away for a couple of weeks at the weekend!
This run we're training for is at the end of September so I have to get my s**t together.
The plan now is to begin in earnest once she returns from her trip but I know that I'm going to have to find it in me to go out running alone again - gulp!

At least INSANITY is going great. I felt a bit daunted this morning due to yesterdays rest break but once we got going I was right back into it. I even did the first DVD to 'Slim in 6' straight after - my knees now hurt. :(

I've been blogging in my food diary and a few things have come to light.
1) I am eating waaaaay too much crap - more than I thought
2) Some days I don't eat enough actual food.
3) I'll be lucky to lose any weight come this Thursdays weigh in.

Today i had a Creme Egg ice cream taken off me by my hubby like I was a naughty kid. Part of me laughed and part of me was bloody angry.
My husband is usually the feeder and buys me sweets even when I say I'm trying to avoid them - actually, especially when I say I'm trying to avoid them!
So I felt it was a bit hypocritical to suddenly decide that I needed to have something taken away. Don't get me wrong I understood why he did it and I was quite glad that he'd stopped me having it, but still...............
Mind you, I had the ice cream anyway later on. ;)

I need.....................

 "It's always useful to know where a friend-and-relation is, whether you want him or whether you don't." - Winnie the Pooh

I need something only I'm not sure what it is - my husband would probably say I need a personality transplant today because I think I've been a bitch - Oops!
I didn't realise I was jibing people or nagging or simply down right snapping at them but I have it on good authority that I have been - again, Oops!
I mean I knew I felt agitated today but obviously didn't realise how much. In the end, despite us supposed to be working on the land, my husband downed tools (or shut the digger off anyway (flipping eck I musy have been preety bad to be heard over a digger)) and said he was taking me to town to get me away from the house. Well if that's my punishment for being agitated guess who may just have to be more agitated in the future ;)

I must admit I spend all my time at home. I choose not to make friends here as I can't be arsed with the type of friend I seem to be drawn to (whiny, needy, two faced - you get the picture) so my best friend is one I've known for years but lives 500 miles away. I don't socialise as such because I don't understand the way some Scots speak here and I feel rude keep saying "pardon" or "can you slow down, I can't understand you". It's not the locals fault, heck it's not anyones fault I just struggle to understand the accent.
On the upside I have 4 acres of land to potter about on, I love gardening, I love photography and I have access to pretty much all the tools I need to satisfy my 'building' projects - I'm happy!
However I made a comment this week that had even myself questioning my sanity and "happiness". I informed my husband that I wanted to buy a radio. I don't want a cd player or anything fancy, just a radio player that I can play when I'm in the greenhouse or polytunnel. Nothing wrong with that you might think, except my reason for wanting a radio was so that I could hear people talking and not feel so lonely. Where the bloody hell did that come from!!!!
Hmmmmm, think I may be lonlier than I thought. Problem is though that I really do not want to socialise - I've never liked it.

Anyway, I guess I'm lucky that my husband noticed my agitation and got me away from the house - I feel so much better now.

Today is also a rest day from INSANITY - hey, I've just clicked, is this why I'm so agitated today - no workout?

On a good note though. Although I was agitated, there was no sign of the Black Dog. :)

Accountability? Who was I kidding......

As I ramble through life, whatever be my goal, I will unfortunately always keep my eye upon the doughnut and not upon the whole.
Wendy Wasserstein

OK so I did honestly believe that if I wrote on my blog that I was going to go for a run yesterday that I would do it......honest!
I had every intention of going - really I did!
But (I so hate that word) I ended up making so many excuses -the main one being the wind - that I had to admit I just couldn't be bothered to go. There I said it. Lazy me could not be arsed to get changed and run!!
Obviously I regretted it the minute it was too late to go out for a run and convinced myself that were it still light and not 11:30pm that I would be jumping at the chance to get going. Funny how I do that!
But the honest truth is I just didn't want to go and couldn't be bothered with the effort - the wind had bugger all to do with it!
Least I'm still being accountable for not going  ;D

Today is day 6 of INSANITY which meant Plyometric Cardio Circuit. I first did this workout on Monday and actually found it harder today - I think I was putting much more effort in today.
In this particular workout Shaun T gets us doing these 'Suicide Drills' - you just know they're going to be hard with a name like that - and when I did them on Monday they made me feel really nauseous. I actually thought at the time that is was down to doing the workout on an empty belly so I started having a Banana before hand for the rest of the week and the nausea never returned - until today! It's those blinkin 'suicide drills' that does it. I don't know why although I am assuming it may be a motion sickness type thing because I do other moves that are similar and have no nauseous feeling s at all. 'Suicide drills' involve bending down at the knee, touching the floor, coming up and then quickly moving to the side before going doen at the knee, touching the floor, coming back up and moving to the other side - all as quickly as you can. Motion sickness me thinks!
Still, loved the workout as usual. I'm stoked that I'm still enjoying it as I've normally lost interest by now. Tomorrow is a rest day from Insanity but should still be a running day :(

Weigh in & Progress

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.
Thomas A. Edison

So last night was weigh in at fatclub Slimming World and after all my workouts this week I haven't shifted even an ounce of weight - WTF!
Ok so maybe I've only done 3 workouts (4 if I include the fit test ;) but that's really not the point, I felt 'thinner' this week so hoped for at least 1 lb :(

Never mind, I'll get over it. I did know that maybe I'd not been doing it long enough to notice a difference just yet so I'll concentrate on next week.
I think maybe I need a reality check where my food is concerned too. Chocolate is sneaking its way back in throughout the week and if I'm honest I've been adding the odd naughty ingredient to my meals throughout the week. To help with this problem I'm going to add a 'food diary' to my blog so I can write down everything I eat - that way I'm accountable for it.

So todays INSANITY workout - Pure Cardio. I'm still amazed and stoked at just how excited I am to press play every morning, I'm loving every minute of these workouts.
Pure Cardio was an absolute killer. I couldn't keep up completely all of the time but I certainly gave it my best shot. I hit the floor a couple of times but then again so did a couple of the fitties on the DVD. I took a few more breaks in this one but those 'breaks' were literally  a swig of water and get back into it or walking a couple of circles and get back into it.
The stretches Shaun T does are Amazing. I can already see a difference in my suppleness and how much of a stretch I can achieve - the hip flexor stretches have really helped because I have problems in that area.

The Black Dog had a bit of a snarl today. After my workout I looked in the mirror and negative thoughts started to creep in (probably because of last nights weigh in result) but I got him under control and he's back in his kennel - he's not asleep, he's alert but at least he's down!

Just so I am accountable for it and can't excuse my way out of it, I am going for a run later today :)

Incentive

We all have those weightloss goals that we're aiming for, whether it be to lose 5lb, 50lb or 150lb and many of us keep weightloss journals to keep us accountable and to be able to 'see' the transformation via thoughts and feelings.

So what is your motivation? Your incentive? Your goals?

Mine, is to lose 70 lb. When do I want to do this by? - January!  Why? - because my husband and I are going on our first holiday in 3 years with our good friends that we barely manage to see because they live some 500 miles away.  These are the rare type of friend whereby we can not pick up the phone for a couple of months but everything is still perfectly normal when we do get round to talking - there is no expectation to have regular 'phone ins'.
By the time we go on holiday with our friends we won't have seen them for a few years but the minute we meet up it'll be like we've spent every day together - it's that easy!
So in January 2013 we'll be heading out to Jamaica for 2 weeks of all inclusive indulgence - a sunshine break that will be most welcome in the bleakest part of a UK winter

It's not just the holiday though. It's the fact that when I get there I want to be comfortable and I am determined that I will be able to wear nice clothes. I'm sick of going away and feeling like a fat frump when we dress up for dinner.
I want to wear flowing, cooling dresses and not have to consider hiding my arms and I do not want to avoid having my photo taken - I have no photographic memories of some lovely holidays because I refuse to have my picture taken.

So with this weightloss in mind (s**t it's weigh in tonight :(  I have taken the Insanity challenge. I do also run 2 - 3 times a week as I'm training for a 10k but Insanity has taken over.
Every morning I wake up in more muscle pain than the last but I know that once I get moving about the pain will ease and I manage to get through those workouts.
Today was Cardio Recovery. Now I'm not sure what definition of recovery Shaun T is working from here but let's just say, it's not as easy as I thought it would be.
Granted there's not a whole amount of demanding cardio but some of these moves and stretches.....damn! I'm not as supple as I had kidded myself I was!
I got through though and I am still loving this workout - I have never been so stoked about a workout in my life and tbh, no matter what pain I am in, hitting the play button is easy!

I'm suffering now though :(    I have Fibromyalgia and Narcolepsy and I know that if I do something demanding like Insanity it's going to knock me for 6 after a few days - I'm now shattered. I feel mentally and physically exhausted!
Not going to stop me though - who knew I could be so positive! - I'm up for the next round of Shaun T's insane workout tomorrow :D
Plus I think I may include Hip Hop Abs when I do the second round of insanity  :)

Dig Deep

Reality check: you can never, ever, use weight loss to solve problems that are not related to your weight. At your goal weight or not, you still have to live with yourself and deal with your problems. You will still have the same husband, the same job, the same kids, and the same life. Losing weight is not a cure for life.
- Phillip C. McGraw

Ok so I'm only on Day 2 of Insanity (Day 3 if you include the fit test) but I can already see that this is a different workout to all the other DVD's I've bought that now reside in the DVD graveyard.
So many things make it different - the workouts for a start (they're hardcore), the motivation from Shaun T as he goes (somewhat like Billy blanks, except he doesn't stick his face right in the camera - can't decide whether that's a good or bad thing ;), but mostly I think it's the interaction - you really do not feel alone doing these BeachBody workouts.
I have a free online coach that is available to offer support, encouragement, motivation and answer any questions I have. His FB page also does the same.
The BeachBody website lets me log onto the forum and chat to others going through the same pain ;), make buddies and pretty much get all the extra motivation I need. I can also log every workout and record my stats as I go - very important for that TShirt that I am so going to earn :)
Today I have just completed Cardio Power & Resistance. What you have to bear in mind is when I got up at 6:30am I could barely move. My legs, hips and feet hurt so bad I was seriously worried about managing a workout. But I had some toast, drank a heap, donned the trainers and pressed play.
The workout was pretty much as knackering as I thought it would be - it's bloomin hard, especially if fat gets in the way of some of the moves like getting up from the floor very quickly, but I got through it by constantly saying out loud "I can do this".
Again I loved every painful moment of it. Insanity rocks!

Climb The Mountain

Climb The Mountain

I tried to climb the mountain today. As I inched my way up the path, I felt out of breath and had to turn back.
I tried to climb the mountain today. But, It was so hot outside, I thought I had better stay in my nice air-conditioned house and rest up for tomorrow's attempt.
I tried to climb the mountain today. On my journey, darkness started to fall and I was full of fear, so I had to return to a safe place.
I was ready to climb the mountain today. But I had so may other things to do, so instead of climbing the mountain I took care of the much more important tasks; I washed my car, mowed the grass and watched the big game. Today the mountain will have to wait.
I was going to climb the mountain today. But as I stared at the mountain in all it's majestic beauty, I knew I had no chance of making it to the top, so I figured why even begin trying.
I had forgotten about climbing the mountain today, until an old friend came by and asked what I was up to lately. I told him about all my plans to climb that mountain someday. I went on and on about how I was going to accomplish the task.
He stopped me and said, "I just got back from climbing that mountain. for the longest time I told myself I was going to try to climb it but never made any progress."
"I almost let the dream of making it to the top die. I came up with every excuse of why I could not make it up the mountain, but never once did I give myself a reason why I could. One day as I stared at the mountain and pondered, I realized that if I didn't make an attempt at this dream all my dreams would eventually die."
" The next morning, I started my climb. It was not easy, and at times I wanted to quit. But no matter what I faced, I placed one foot in front of the other, keeping a steady pace. When the wind tried to blow me over the edge, I kept walking. When the voices inside my head screamed, stop! I focused on my goal, never letting it out of sight. I kept moving forward. I could not quit because I knew I had come too far to stop now. Time and time again, I reassured myself that I was going to finish this journey. I struggled mightily to make it to the top, but I CLIMBED THE MOUNTAIN."
"I have to be going," my friend said. "Tomorrow is a new day to accomplish more dreams. By the way what are you going to do tomorrow?"
I looked at him, with intensity and confidence in my eyes, and said, "I HAVE A MOUNTAIN TO CLIMB."Author unknown


So todays Insanity challenge was 'Plyometric Cardio Circuit'.
I've looked forward to this one because I know Plyometrics are supposed to be good for running form so although this is my first real Insanity workout I was eager to press play.
10 minutes in and I was sweating as much as those guys you see on the Insanity commercial - seriously bucket loads.
The stretching after 10 minutes was awesome - some of those stretches were really stretching out some of my problem areas - and it was while I was doing these stretches that is suddenly dawned on me that the previous 10 minutes had been a bloody warm up :/
By the time the warm up (full blown workout as far as I'm concerned) and stretches were over there was something like 25 minutes left on the clock so I figured "25 minutes that's all. I can do this. Easy".
Hmmmm, yeah, seems not so much!
This workout was pure cardio and torture - but I loved it.
I wouldn't say I kept up with all the fitties on screen ;) but I gave it my best shot. I took more breaks than Shaun T did but I kept moving for those breaks and I made them as short as possible and then I got back in there and did my best to 'Dig deep'.
I found some of the floor movements difficult and especially jumping up from the floor but I'm sure these will improve with the loss of some belly fat :)

Another good day here so far - though it's only 9:30am. The Black Dog is in his kennel - finally! Not just that but I think he's actually sleeping. Ssssssshhhhhh! ;)

Insanity - Perfect name

Today was my first day of the Insanity workout - Fit test day!
Just the warm up Shaun T takes us through had me sweating as much as I would on a 3 mile run.
The actual fit test was nothing  less than completely and utterly knackering BUT it was also soooo enjoyable. Yes, I did say enjoyable! I think I found it enjoyable because I know what this challenge means to me - I need to enjoy this challenge no matter how painful it ends up being.
I really do not know what constitutes a decent fit test result for a 70 lb overweight, 40 year old weeble woman so I could not tell you whether my results were good or not. I'm just going to take them for what they are (my first results) and hope and pray that I see some drastic improvement as I go along.

1. Switch Kicks - 40: I honestly thought I'd find this move easy  but apparantly not! I sucked at it!
2. Power jacks - 30: O my! and O dear!
3. Power knees - 52: Loved this move! :)
4. Power Jumps - 11: It would seem my jumps are not so powerful and are not so easy to do - for a weeble anyway!
5. Globe jumps - 6: Bear in mind 1 rep to this move has 4 jumps to it.
6. Suicide Jumps - 10: Very aptly named and very knackering.
7. Push up jacks - 14: I so wanted to be good at this one but co ordination appears to be an issue.
8. Low plank Oblique - 43: Another enjoyable move but very very hard.

The hardest part for me today wasn't the fit test, it was taking the before photos. I don't mean hard because the stupid camera timer was hard to master but because I do not like my photo being taken (hence the timer. No way is someone taking them for me).
Taking my photo in figure hugging gear goes against everything I have done for the past 20 years but that is how determined I am to do this. I'm not sure when those before images will appear on here though - maybe when I've taken the next ones and can see an improvement :D
Not only have I had to take the photos but I have to send them off for others to see because I want that Tshirt - I made a huge deal about that Tshirt but this is how desperately I want it!

I also made a huge grumble about not being able to take part in the Team Beachbody forum because it's not open to International customers yet BUT Beachbody have been amazing and have set me up an account regardless and I can now use the support online - yay for Beachbody!

Excited.com

Today is a good day :D
I woke up with a positive attitude and am managing to stop negative thoughts before they start or at least respond to the negative thought with a positive one. The Black Dog isn't in his kennel just yet, he's trotting along at my heel giving out a warning growl every now and again but I soon shut him up with a positive thought or change of action.
Today is a good day :D

I'm kinda glad that today isn't a running day because the heat is just too much to run in at the moment - it's probably not much hotter than 25 degrees but that sun is hoooooot, plus we live in the Scottish Highlands so anything over 15 degrees has us sweltering.
So, the perfect job for a hot day when hubby, the daughters and one of the daughters boyfriends are all at home?
Cleaning out this:

Usually we do it once a year as all the reeds start to grow but last year we didn't do it at all so it's full of reeds that are threatening to smother the Lillies.
Although I say 'we' cleared it out I actually mean Wayne got in the pond and pulled out all the reeds, put them into the boat and then towed them to the edge where I emptied it - no way am I getting in there. I've seen the Lizards that chase you (though Wayne insists they're just newts) and it houses some species of giant people eating frogs plus the insects in there look like they're on steroids and have some serious pincers.
Leanne helped by sunbathing whilst shouting out warnings to me about the Frogs that were stalking me.
Stacey helped by being major brave and getting in the pond with the dogs to cool them down. Hilarious to watch a Cairn Terrier jump in after a huge football, somehow manage to get a teeth lock on it and swim back to the bank with it. The damn ball was twice the size of the dog.
As for Staceys boyfriend, well he helped move all those darn reeds once I'd managed to get them out the boat - he's a good lad!
Still not finished though we have one more day of clearing to do in there and then we can make ideas to improve the banks :)

And the best bit of news today ......................drum roll............................ It's heeeeeeeere...............

Insanity has arrived at the Claxson household :D  and I couldn't be happier. I'm all ready to start it on Monday and am ready for the burn and the pain and the nauseous feeling and ..oh yeah....the pain!

Today is a good day :)