"Running is a big question mark that's there each and every day. It asks you "Are you going to be a wimp or are you going to be strong today"" - Unknown.
Motivation is an emotion and as such sometimes it's on a high and sometimes it's on a low.
Today it's pretty darned low for me.
I've logged online to pick up the usual inspiration and motivation from those weightloss blogs that I follow but I'm still feeling 'bleh'. I'm looking outside knowing I need to run but it's windy and bloody awful so I glance over to the dreadmill sitting there just waiting for me to climb on but I'm still thinking 'bleh'.
I have a heap of creative stuff to get done for the house such as shelving, tea light holders, signs, cushions etc etc but there's just no incentive - I'm in a "what's the point" mood, I can't even be arsed to eat breakfast.
I'm in the process of housework and there's only so many times you can clean a loo, hoover, mop the floors, blah, blah, blah before I'm thinking again "seriously, what IS the freakin point", I'll be doing the same darned thing tomorrow and the next day and the next day and ..............
So I'm taking a 5 minute break and getting my head around and out of these negative thoughts - or at least I'm trying to ;)
By the end of the day I want to be able to update this page and say I've used the dreadmill, I've cleared up outside all the damage the wind has done - my poor fancy chimney pot garden ornament has succumbed :( and that I've made a start on the shelving or the tea light holders or even maybe I've made a start on my sisters 40th birthday card (due June) or my other sisters 25th wedding anniversary card (due July).
Well we shall see won't we! One things for sure I ain't gonna achieve nada sitting on my jacksie all day am I so I shall leave you with this inspirational quote just in case, like me, you're desperately searching blogs for some daily help.
"The mind is everything. What you think, you become" - Buddha
OK, as of now (1.30pm) here is the state of play.
I had all good intentions of getting straight on that dreadmill as soon as I had logged off earlier BUT I got a phonecall from hubby to say that the car had suddenly stopped working mid drive and that he was getting a mate to tow him to the garage round the corner and was then coming home.
Knowing that Wayne could pop in at any moment with his mate curtailed any notion I had of getting on that darned machine - no way was I was sweating and huffing away on that thing for all to see.
So I figured I'd go outside instead. And I did. At least to put the washing on the line anyways.
Then Wayne turned up and announced we were going into town to look at floor lino in the carpet shop. Cool, a day out! yay! (I reeeeeeally don't get out much).
Thing is, this trip entailed using Waynes van. A builders van would be a more accurate description that would give you some notion of its condition. And this van of his has a faulty fuel gauge and Wayne being Wayne couldn't remember when he had last put diesel in it - typical (he also can't remember when he last checked oil, water etc) so we were going to have to risk the 15 mile trip not knowing if we were going to get there.
That ruddy van is an embarrassment, that's the only way I can describe it. It whistles as it goes - whistles. It ain't the fan belt slipping, I'm convinced air is circulating somewhere somehow. So to mask the noise of the whistling I put on the tape deck. Yup, you heard right - tape deck! And it doesn't auto turn neither! Heathens drive this thing.
I couldn't quite decide which was worse - the noise from the whistling or the noise eminating from that tape deck (the 'Temptations' I believe) - quite honestly I couldn't even think eventually as my brain had been fried.
Driving along a very exposed main road next to the sea in a gale force storm in a teeny tiny 'Postman Pat' van with a wheel that wobbled if Wayne went over 50 cos it's needs balancing has got to be the quickest way to lose a couple of stone and workout those bum cheeks! There wasn't even the relief of knowing an airbag will save the day should we take off from the wind because this van don't have one. What it does have however is a well placed 'Thinsulate' hat on the dash board that apparantly "should help reduce some of the impact".
The van did make it to the petrol station though - yay;)
I am now back home and online again looking at more lino because I didn't like what was in the shops - nor did I like the price!
I perhaps should point out that the whole lino fiasco is my fault. When we designed the house I decided I wanted Black floor slates in the kitchen and for some reason White grout! What the f**k was I thinking? White grout!
Needless to say this grout looks terrible now (not even 1 year later) and I've decided I don't like the floor slates either as they're too Grey looking.
We could re-tile the entire floor but I've also decided in my wisdom that they're just too cold underfoot as we don't have underfloor heating in there - hence looking at Lino.
So now Wayne is having his
OK so it's now 9:05pm and the day continued as it started and I now feel terrible. :(
I have just sat and eaten a massive bar of Dairy Milk, a packet of Love hearts and most of a large bag of Midget gems - sick does not come close to how I feel right now.
I'm now sitting and watching 'Obese. A year to save my life' in the hope that it kicks my arse back into gear for tomorrow.
Tomorrows plan is to at least run on the dreadmill and seeing as the weather is set to be fine I'm hoping to get outside which will lift my mood and stop me snacking during the day or bingeing at night.
Today was simply a small blip on a large journey.